He knows whats best.

Life has been none stop lately, or so it feels like. I cant claim that this will be a happy post, I want it to be but I am in one of "those" moods right now... I find myself on the verge of laughter and on the verge of tears.

Life is so jumbled right now and I am starting to realize that there will never be a point in my life where everything is perfect. I used to think that if I could only reach this certain point, this level of completion, in my life that everything would be perfect and I would be blissfully happy.

I would have my dream husband who I could wake up next to every morning and fall asleep beside every night. I would have a house full of wonderful children who I would love unconditionally and one day grandchildren. I would live a life full of love, treasuring the small things.

Walks. Kisses. Smiles. Laughter. Tears. Macaroni necklaces. Home cooked dinners. Sunsets. Swim parties. Lullaby's. Bare feet. Cotton dresses with pockets. Hats. Silly songs. Hop scotch. Hugs. Races. Tire Swings. Ponds. Tree houses. Diapers. Rocking chairs. Car trips. Potty breaks. Binky's. Cuddles. Warm baths. Staying up till dawn. Over-alls. Books. Music. Dancing around the kitchen. Naked Wednesdays. Plays. Camping trips in the backyard. Skinny dipping. Drinking to much wine. Quite. Mud pies. Making love, making babies, making music, making time, making sense, making millions of memories that will last longer than I am on this earth.

I want to live in the moment and cherish everything, every day, every hour and every minute. I know it wont all be easy. I know that I might cry more than laugh but I am making a vow to myself right now that I will never regret a moment.

It wont all be easy, most of it wont be but where is the fun in a perfect world?

I am going to laugh to loud and smile to much and sing none stop for the rest of my life. I will be joy.

I have come to point in my life where I no longer see like a child. I am not sure that I see things like a woman but I no longer view them threw the rose colored lenses of a child.

I c0me to a point where I am laying my dreams down and giving them to God because ultimately its not my will but His, in ever aspect of my life. He knows whats best.

I held the sweetest baby girl in my arms tonight while she slept and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I could have watched her dream forever.