I can't stop smiling! It's Christmas and I cant stop smiling because someone just... AHHH not going to talk about it. It is going to stay my secret for now! :-D so happy!
Engagements! Birthday parties! It is so good to be home :-) I have missed it. I just dont fit Colorado like I fit texas... but then again I could never fit texas like I fit California.
Tana Kaye is engaged! :-D Josh asked her! Finally! Her ring is beautiful. Jezze when I talk about it I feel like a 8 year old little girl dreaming about what it would be like to get married and have babies. lol It is so exciting! Dreams come true! fairlytales do exist! broken hearts heal! Tana has shown me that. She asked me to be a Brides maid. Does that mean I have to bring a date? lol I have never been a brides maid before... should be interesting.
Wish me luck?
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
<3<3<3
I have these two different sides of me- The crazy side that wants to break free and do everything I know I shouldn't and the real side... the side that I am most of the time.
Why is it okay for girls to sleep around? Why does it not matter anymore if your 15 year old daughter is sexually active? Why do people lie about it? Where does it say that cheating on your girlfriend is okay as long as she forgives you for it? Sex. I hate sex. It has been turned into something so meaningless, something so ordinary, something void of anything special. Why?
Tonight my mind is just a little crazy. I have friends away in college and friends that are still in high school and friends who are working and engaged. Friends from all different walks of life doing everything differently than anyone who has gone before. I love people we are all so unique.
I have sexest friends and racist friends. I have friends who lie and friends that cheat. I know girls who walk in shame so deep you'd think they drown in it. I have friends that care and friends who don't. I know guys that drink and some that smoke. I have friends who are gay, some Christians, Catholics, Mormons, followers, musicians, actors, dancers, deceivers, leaders. I know secrets that no one else knows. I have had my expectations met, depleted and exceeded.
I know jealous people. I live in a world chalked full of them. I hate money.
Tonight I am sick of the world. I am tired of lies and ploys. I am tired of thinking I know someone without really knowing them at all.
What has happened to the innocence of childhood? Where did it go and why cant I stay innocent forever? I feel dirty, like I have been apart of all these unclean things, I scrub and I scrub, trying to rid myself of the dirtiness that is all around me but having to come to terms with the fact that my water is just as dirty as everyone elses. I cannot help anyone else be clean if I wash them with dirty water.
But if I have someone else wash me... someone with clean water and then I maintain the cleanliness... well I could help so many people but you understand that just because I wash them doesn't mean it has anything to do with me because I was where they were and it was only because of someone elses cleanliness that I am now clean. I have the power to clean nothing... the only thing I can do is dedicate my hands that have been washed clean by another.
Do you know what happens when you clean someone with clean water? they become clean obviously but your water will become dirty once again. There dirt will affect you and that is why it is supposed to be a constant cleansing.
Well my eyes wont stay open anymore... I guess we will find out tomorrow if any of that made any sense at all.
<3<3<3
Why is it okay for girls to sleep around? Why does it not matter anymore if your 15 year old daughter is sexually active? Why do people lie about it? Where does it say that cheating on your girlfriend is okay as long as she forgives you for it? Sex. I hate sex. It has been turned into something so meaningless, something so ordinary, something void of anything special. Why?
Tonight my mind is just a little crazy. I have friends away in college and friends that are still in high school and friends who are working and engaged. Friends from all different walks of life doing everything differently than anyone who has gone before. I love people we are all so unique.
I have sexest friends and racist friends. I have friends who lie and friends that cheat. I know girls who walk in shame so deep you'd think they drown in it. I have friends that care and friends who don't. I know guys that drink and some that smoke. I have friends who are gay, some Christians, Catholics, Mormons, followers, musicians, actors, dancers, deceivers, leaders. I know secrets that no one else knows. I have had my expectations met, depleted and exceeded.
I know jealous people. I live in a world chalked full of them. I hate money.
Tonight I am sick of the world. I am tired of lies and ploys. I am tired of thinking I know someone without really knowing them at all.
What has happened to the innocence of childhood? Where did it go and why cant I stay innocent forever? I feel dirty, like I have been apart of all these unclean things, I scrub and I scrub, trying to rid myself of the dirtiness that is all around me but having to come to terms with the fact that my water is just as dirty as everyone elses. I cannot help anyone else be clean if I wash them with dirty water.
But if I have someone else wash me... someone with clean water and then I maintain the cleanliness... well I could help so many people but you understand that just because I wash them doesn't mean it has anything to do with me because I was where they were and it was only because of someone elses cleanliness that I am now clean. I have the power to clean nothing... the only thing I can do is dedicate my hands that have been washed clean by another.
Do you know what happens when you clean someone with clean water? they become clean obviously but your water will become dirty once again. There dirt will affect you and that is why it is supposed to be a constant cleansing.
Well my eyes wont stay open anymore... I guess we will find out tomorrow if any of that made any sense at all.
<3<3<3
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