Vomit.

I miss Zuzu.

I miss home.

I miss my mom and dad and grandma and grandpa and aunt kim.

I dont want to be a grown-up anymore.

I love my new friends and I love the little bit of Independence that I've gained but I am ready for more.

Jesus where have you gone? Its been a week and I feel like I am doing this by myself. I guess partly because I am not making the first move. I should be reading my bible. I should be journaling in the beautiful journal aunt kim bought me. I should be doing a lot of things and I dont know why i am not.

GAH! Tomorrows a new day right?

Jesus tomorrow, you and me.

Are you ready?

Because I am and I dont know why I went away.

I just need the heck out of you! Always have and always will.

PS The house reeks of fish and there is a "grown-up" dinner party going on down stairs that I was not invited too. Vomit.

I may have failed but I have loved you from the start...

I cant stop thinking about him.

Why?

Why did I have to fall in love with him? There were so many! SO MANY! Why him? Why did he have to be the one I couldnt bare to let get away? I dont want to love him anymore because its hard and dirty and all I want is to rest for a little while. My arms are tired.

You think making him go away would be better? Not having to hear about his girlfriends. Not having to know that he's been with someone else...LOTS of someone elses. I have been with no one! Why? Because I cant even think about being with someone else! I love him! I love him! I love him! I am never going to stop! Get used to it! He was my first so many things and damn it he is going to be my last!

I dont care! I dont care! Try to make me hate you. Fuck them. Love them. Hold them. Kiss them. Wish it was me. Think of me. Love me. Hold me. Kiss me.

I cant fix him.

But I pray that one day he'll wake up and realize what he's missing.

Jesus.

Colorado- Day 1

AHHH! I just a built a table. Day one of living on my own and I already am making steps in the right direction. I didn't even need Connors help! (Clap for me!)

Went to church. The sermon was great and worship was fantastic! I totally stood two feet behind Jon Eagan thats right be jealous. Garrett wanted me to pinch his butt but I refrained seeing as to Mrs. Eagan was standing right there and that would have made things REEEEAAALLLY AWKWARD.

After church I talked with Adam for a bit and then had some awesome leftovers with the McGee's for lunch. We discussed creative writing techniques...mhm Colorado Brittany even has intelligent conversations. Go Figure.

I was going to do a little bit of job hunting today but decided that I could conquer the job world on Monday when everyone is in school and I don't have to fight crowds. See I am even smarter too! :-)

Well, I guess that is all for now. I am really really bored and very sad because I have no Zuzu. ZUZU I MISS YOU!!! COME BACK!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BREATHE WITH NO AIR?!?!

(sigh) Well I guess I will clean my room again.

Things to look foreword too-

Orientation
A walk around the block
New Job
Pinching Jon Eagans buttock when his wife isnt looking
Veggie Soup for dinner
And lots and lots of boredom

call me!

brit