Delicious Pears

I just ate some pears and while I was eating those pears I began to think about life and how a year ago I was so unaware of all the things around me. I have to smile every time I think about the girl I was sooo... there is no better word! Just unaware!

I am eating pears and thinking about how God created them. He created their taste and their texture. He created their smell and their color. He knew how much I would adore them and knew that one day I would be sitting in bed reading and would go to take a bite of one delicious pear half and before I could swallow I would have this revelation- that the creator of the UNIVERSE, the one who made the stars and thought- then spoke all of creation into being made pears just for me! :-) Just because he knew that I would crave them and desire them and that they would satisfy my tummy.

Isn't that a blissful thought?!?!

Yes. I thought so too.

Then after I was done with that thought another one came upon me. How insanely in love with me He must be. I mean if He created pears just to please my tummy think about all the other things He does for me throughout the day to ease my mind and touch my heart.

Have you ever just sat at the end of the day and reflected on all of the things He did for you throughout? I mean as if the cross weren't already enough?

Lets look at this.

This morning I woke up at 4:30, rested and rejuvenated. I quickly turned and looked at my alarm clock and saw the time. Deeming it to early to wake-up I stubbornly rolled over and went back to bed.

He tried to wake me up this morning because He wanted to meet with me. He wanted to talk to me and spend time with me but I stubbornly rejected him.

When I did eventually give into the fact that I was not going to be getting anymore sleep I picked up a book, not my bible, as I should have, but a novel.

Rejected twice.

Then this morning when I got to class, I felt anxious, I knew that I would be getting my music theory mid-term back but once again instead of praying for peace I squirmed in my uneasy-ness creating a nice bed for myself. Why after all this years when it comes to the little things do I still forget to pray? Jesus HELP ME!

Three times.

And that was all before 9 AM!

As the day went on there was much of the same. Opportunity and Rejection.

Now I am sitting in bed, wondering where the day has gone- my pears all but forgotten.

He asks- Did I further His kingdom today?

I can only hope so because honestly today was a day full of what I wanted to do, not what the maker had in store for me. Lets pray that tomorrow I listen better. Lord please dont hesitate to wake me up again. Tomorrow would be lovely. I am sorry I missed our special time, I will try harder.

I would love to meet with you tomorrow morning... I have to thank you once again for some pears that blessed me in a way most dont get blessed by fruit.

Brittany

You take my hand and drag me head first- Fearless

I just finished watching 'Another Cinderella Story' please, take my word and never EVER watch it. I just lost an hour and a half of my life... an hour and a half that I will never get back... I feel cheated, like someone just tricked me. I feel cheap. Please just heed my advice, save yourself the time and spare yourself a head-ache.

This past week has been interesting. I started working at AppleBees and I learned that just because its Sunday and people go to church doesnt mean that they are nice after the service. I got yelled at by a lady who goes to New Life, a lady who sat at the table the whole time discussing Pastor Bradys sermon on prayer with her family (she had been at the church service I had just been at not a half an hour before) and then thought it would be nice to yell at me because the kitchen forgot to put bacon on her sandwich. Kill em with kindness, right?
So the rest of the morning I showed her Jesus. I was nice and made friends with her kids, I showed her Jesus the only way I know how. :-D She must have felt bad at the end of that meal because she left me a 12 dollar tip on a 35 dollar check.

I love serving. I love people, I really do. It is not easy to love someone who so obviously could care less but its what I have been charged with. So em Jesus mean show em love. Why?
Because God is LOVE.

In other news... Totally went into a Tattoo parlor the other day and was going to get 'Love Never Fails' tatted on my shoulder in Hebrew but chickened out. Me and needles=un-mixy things and it didnt help that I had my mothers voice in my head, "Don't do it Brittany. It is permanent and trashy and how are you ever going to find a man when you have a Tattoo. Boys look at girls with tattoos differently then ones who dont. Do you really want them to look at YOU that way?"

Honestly? I couldnt give a care less what all the boys out there think. If I want to do something to my body I am going to do it because I want to. I dont need a reason, I am a grown up. BWAHAHAHAHA I have waited a long time to say that! So I am not going to get one today... or tomorrow but eventually, mark my words I will have a tattoo... its just a matter of time... do you think they will ever find a way to do it without using needles?

I can wait.

I am obsessed with Taylor Swift. Just thought I'd say.

"I miss screamin and fightin and kissin in the rain
And its two A.M. and I'm cursin your name
So in love that you act insane
And thats the way I loved you

Breakin down and comin undone
Its a roller coaster kind of rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And thats the way I loved you"

I am liking life right now... I have got to say.
Worship School=AMAZING.
4.0 GPA=UNREAL
Fun job with great friends=INCREDIBLE

I like where I am at right now.
I am enjoying my single-ness and the end of my teen years.

I think I feel like writing so I will catch you up again at a later date cause you cant pass insipration up when it hits! :-)

<3<3<3

Engaged

I can't stop smiling! It's Christmas and I cant stop smiling because someone just... AHHH not going to talk about it. It is going to stay my secret for now! :-D so happy!

Engagements! Birthday parties! It is so good to be home :-) I have missed it. I just dont fit Colorado like I fit texas... but then again I could never fit texas like I fit California.

Tana Kaye is engaged! :-D Josh asked her! Finally! Her ring is beautiful. Jezze when I talk about it I feel like a 8 year old little girl dreaming about what it would be like to get married and have babies. lol It is so exciting! Dreams come true! fairlytales do exist! broken hearts heal! Tana has shown me that. She asked me to be a Brides maid. Does that mean I have to bring a date? lol I have never been a brides maid before... should be interesting.

Wish me luck?

<3<3<3

I have these two different sides of me- The crazy side that wants to break free and do everything I know I shouldn't and the real side... the side that I am most of the time.

Why is it okay for girls to sleep around? Why does it not matter anymore if your 15 year old daughter is sexually active? Why do people lie about it? Where does it say that cheating on your girlfriend is okay as long as she forgives you for it? Sex. I hate sex. It has been turned into something so meaningless, something so ordinary, something void of anything special. Why?

Tonight my mind is just a little crazy. I have friends away in college and friends that are still in high school and friends who are working and engaged. Friends from all different walks of life doing everything differently than anyone who has gone before. I love people we are all so unique.

I have sexest friends and racist friends. I have friends who lie and friends that cheat. I know girls who walk in shame so deep you'd think they drown in it. I have friends that care and friends who don't. I know guys that drink and some that smoke. I have friends who are gay, some Christians, Catholics, Mormons, followers, musicians, actors, dancers, deceivers, leaders. I know secrets that no one else knows. I have had my expectations met, depleted and exceeded.

I know jealous people. I live in a world chalked full of them. I hate money.

Tonight I am sick of the world. I am tired of lies and ploys. I am tired of thinking I know someone without really knowing them at all.

What has happened to the innocence of childhood? Where did it go and why cant I stay innocent forever? I feel dirty, like I have been apart of all these unclean things, I scrub and I scrub, trying to rid myself of the dirtiness that is all around me but having to come to terms with the fact that my water is just as dirty as everyone elses. I cannot help anyone else be clean if I wash them with dirty water.

But if I have someone else wash me... someone with clean water and then I maintain the cleanliness... well I could help so many people but you understand that just because I wash them doesn't mean it has anything to do with me because I was where they were and it was only because of someone elses cleanliness that I am now clean. I have the power to clean nothing... the only thing I can do is dedicate my hands that have been washed clean by another.

Do you know what happens when you clean someone with clean water? they become clean obviously but your water will become dirty once again. There dirt will affect you and that is why it is supposed to be a constant cleansing.

Well my eyes wont stay open anymore... I guess we will find out tomorrow if any of that made any sense at all.

<3<3<3

A quick video update.

I am listening to the Prosper State game and I needed something to distract me while my stomach tries to settle. The game is tied in the third. So intense.

Am I crazy or falling in love?

Well winter is officially here to stay in Colorado Springs :-) complete with snow white scenery and icy roads. I almost spun out twice today and I was driving 15 its re-dick peeps.

I am babysitting the most adorable little boys right now, Kohen and Korbin and Kohen wont stop grinning at me. He was a hippopotamus for Halloween it was the sweetest thing.

I am knitting a blanket... its coming along quite nicely. It is purple- majestic... yeah dont be jealous.

I watched Pretty Woman last night. I forgot how every time I watch that movie I fall in love with Richard Gear all over again. He is beautiful. the end.

So another NLSW student got engaged. That is 4 engaged now, 5 married, and two new couples. I swear love is in the non-existent air in C.S. ....and me you ask?!?! HAHA Well there is someone but we lead worship together lol so um not such a good idea but he is VERY attractive and he has an incredible voice not to mention he plays guitar AND piano. But I mean we are just friends.... even though I catch him starring at me all the time :-D but nothing will come of it lol its me remember? Even if I live to be one hundred I am forever ruined for every other man that isnt.... well (whispers) "you know who."

I have been doing so well! I havent been talking about him or thinking about him--- AT ALL! It has been amazing.... really. I dont need a relationship right now. I am fine by myself. I am a big girl, living on her own and making big girl choices... arent you proud? haha No, really I dont need to fall in love right now, I dont want to. Its the last thing I want... been there, done that, broken heart achieved, I have the membership to prove it. Men only complicate things and if I need anything- it is less complications, altho I wouldn't mind the cuddling or the kissing ;-p or the cross word puzzles (its an inside joke) Hangman :-)

I am becoming a brunette again. I am not sure if I remember that girl, she is slowly but surely coming back. I wonder if I could ever be her again... regain some of her innocence? maybe. maybe not.

Its a fact- I hate running.

Its a fact- I am in love with David Archuletas song CRUSH. mmmmmmyeah.

Its a fact- ordering virgin drinks is so much better then alcohol. :-) oh date night

Its a fact- Belly button rings are only amusing for so long. Yes I took it out and am looking forward to the massively ugly scar. haha

Its a fact- Biting your nails is really a bad habit...maybe I should quit...

Its a fact- You can be charged over two hundred dollars in overdraft fees in less then two days... dont ask haha

Its a fact- Razor phones are indestructible.

Its a fact- Jared Anderson does have a sense of humor.

Its a fact- three girl+one bathroom= confrontation.

Its a fact- real Christmas trees are better

Its a fact- boys really never grow up... they just grow facial hair.

Its a fact- I can live without Zuzu Ford I just dont want to

Its a fact- the bible is so much cooler when you have a relationship with its author

Its a fact- two rights can and will make a wrong

Its a fact- babies can and will laugh at everything and nothing

Its a fact- Harmony is not complete without the melody even though melody does not need harmony to survive.

Its a fact- slobbery kisses are the best kind

Its a fact- I will never be good at playing a video game guitar

Its a fact- Taylor Swift is brilliant.

Its a fact- I hate endings.

All I want

It snowed yesterday. The entire city was white. It made me ache for family, Christmas and a warm fire but I I received none.

EH! Stop Brittany! Stop! Stop! STOP!

Why do I have to talk about it? Why does it come up everyday! I dont want to help anyone else! I cant even help myself! Jesus Jesus Jesus. Its so hard. Its so hard.

I dont want to complain I dont want to complain I dont want to complain


...is saying I miss him and love him and want him complaining?

How thoroughly someone can invade every part of you without stepping foot inside for over two years.

How completely it can devestate.

I am happy I really am but I just want him to be saved already.

Please Jesus.

Please.
Its all that I want.