I love her! Take me instead!

Tonight is one of those nights.

You know the kind of night where you have almost successfully convinced yourself that your over it... over him but in all actuality the only person your really fooling is you.

Am I allowed to feel lonely?

Am I allowed to miss him?

I know I shouldn't I know if there was any sense in me I would never give the situation another thought. I try not to dwell in the past but it is so hard not to when I feel like that was my love story! That was the part of my life worth reading!

Don't get me wrong Jesus is amazing! He has done so many phenomenal things in my life just recently its insane! And I am not down playing that at all! But to a girl the love story is the whole book!

Oh wow.

I love how I can sit here and write and come to all these conclusions, by visually seeing the thoughts that are running through my mind, as they are put down on paper.

Check this.

What if I am missing something essential here?

We have all already established that love is just one chapter in a guys life but to a girl its the whole book. Yeah we get it but check this!

What if Adam wasn't my love story?

What if he was just a page in a book full of love stories????

I can honestly say that I am one hundred and fifty thousand percent in love with Jesus.

What if that's my book?

Than its true!! The love story is the whole book!

It has nothing to do with Adam! He was just a page, a page that still had Jesus written all over it.
Jesus is the love story, the part worth reading.

Oh wow. I kinda want to start this blog over to keep my twisted thought process from you but since we are all being honest here.


I still miss him and I am going to miss and I am going to love him and I am going to think about him and there is absolutely nothing abnormal or wrong about that! As long as I don't dwell on it, as long as I keep it in check and don't let it all consume me.

I am tired.

so tired.

all the time.

and part of me wishes so desperately that I could turn back time and stop him from leaving and the other part knows that it was for the best.


Once upon a time there was a girl. She was lost, broken and alone. Until a knight came, a beautiful knight dressed in white, He was blameless, sinless and perfect. He longed for the girl, desperately,longed to wrap her in His arms, hold her to His chest and take every fear, broken piece, and failure away.

But there was a clause the only way they could ever be together, the only way possible for Him to take away her pain was to face all her demons head on, to take them on as His own demons, to take them on as His own failures and He knew that in doing this He would die.

For the crimes that she had committed, the things that she had done, were punishable....

She had done so much wrong, no longer was she a beautiful maiden of the light but one full of dark, one who shrouded herself in despair.

Someone had to pay the price. Someone had to take the darkness away, someone had to cover her in beauty and light once again.

The glorious knight fled into battle for His beloved. Saving her.

He was blameless. He was the only one who could heal her, He was the only one who could save her from certain death and in saving her.... He gave up everything!

Because He loved her. Because all He longed for was to have her near. Because all He wanted was for her to love Him and follow Him in return.

He died so that she could truly, truly live.



That is our love story girls.

Every single one of us have a knight who said, "I will not allow my precious bride to bear these things! I will not allow my darling to suffer this! She is hurt and dying and she may not deserve it but all I want for her is blessings and life, all I want for her is to know me and love me. So here I am! Take me instead! I know that death is her punishment for the sins she has committed but I LOVE HER! I will not allow her to take on this punishment,someone must take it I understand. Someone must bare it! So take me instead!

Take me instead!"

Aren't you glad that you have a lover who stood up and yelled "I love her! Take me instead! She deserves this but I cannot bare to see my beautiful angel suffer it! Take me instead!"



Jesus, beautiful one, Savior, lover.


thank you.