Delicious Pears

I just ate some pears and while I was eating those pears I began to think about life and how a year ago I was so unaware of all the things around me. I have to smile every time I think about the girl I was sooo... there is no better word! Just unaware!

I am eating pears and thinking about how God created them. He created their taste and their texture. He created their smell and their color. He knew how much I would adore them and knew that one day I would be sitting in bed reading and would go to take a bite of one delicious pear half and before I could swallow I would have this revelation- that the creator of the UNIVERSE, the one who made the stars and thought- then spoke all of creation into being made pears just for me! :-) Just because he knew that I would crave them and desire them and that they would satisfy my tummy.

Isn't that a blissful thought?!?!

Yes. I thought so too.

Then after I was done with that thought another one came upon me. How insanely in love with me He must be. I mean if He created pears just to please my tummy think about all the other things He does for me throughout the day to ease my mind and touch my heart.

Have you ever just sat at the end of the day and reflected on all of the things He did for you throughout? I mean as if the cross weren't already enough?

Lets look at this.

This morning I woke up at 4:30, rested and rejuvenated. I quickly turned and looked at my alarm clock and saw the time. Deeming it to early to wake-up I stubbornly rolled over and went back to bed.

He tried to wake me up this morning because He wanted to meet with me. He wanted to talk to me and spend time with me but I stubbornly rejected him.

When I did eventually give into the fact that I was not going to be getting anymore sleep I picked up a book, not my bible, as I should have, but a novel.

Rejected twice.

Then this morning when I got to class, I felt anxious, I knew that I would be getting my music theory mid-term back but once again instead of praying for peace I squirmed in my uneasy-ness creating a nice bed for myself. Why after all this years when it comes to the little things do I still forget to pray? Jesus HELP ME!

Three times.

And that was all before 9 AM!

As the day went on there was much of the same. Opportunity and Rejection.

Now I am sitting in bed, wondering where the day has gone- my pears all but forgotten.

He asks- Did I further His kingdom today?

I can only hope so because honestly today was a day full of what I wanted to do, not what the maker had in store for me. Lets pray that tomorrow I listen better. Lord please dont hesitate to wake me up again. Tomorrow would be lovely. I am sorry I missed our special time, I will try harder.

I would love to meet with you tomorrow morning... I have to thank you once again for some pears that blessed me in a way most dont get blessed by fruit.

Brittany

You take my hand and drag me head first- Fearless

I just finished watching 'Another Cinderella Story' please, take my word and never EVER watch it. I just lost an hour and a half of my life... an hour and a half that I will never get back... I feel cheated, like someone just tricked me. I feel cheap. Please just heed my advice, save yourself the time and spare yourself a head-ache.

This past week has been interesting. I started working at AppleBees and I learned that just because its Sunday and people go to church doesnt mean that they are nice after the service. I got yelled at by a lady who goes to New Life, a lady who sat at the table the whole time discussing Pastor Bradys sermon on prayer with her family (she had been at the church service I had just been at not a half an hour before) and then thought it would be nice to yell at me because the kitchen forgot to put bacon on her sandwich. Kill em with kindness, right?
So the rest of the morning I showed her Jesus. I was nice and made friends with her kids, I showed her Jesus the only way I know how. :-D She must have felt bad at the end of that meal because she left me a 12 dollar tip on a 35 dollar check.

I love serving. I love people, I really do. It is not easy to love someone who so obviously could care less but its what I have been charged with. So em Jesus mean show em love. Why?
Because God is LOVE.

In other news... Totally went into a Tattoo parlor the other day and was going to get 'Love Never Fails' tatted on my shoulder in Hebrew but chickened out. Me and needles=un-mixy things and it didnt help that I had my mothers voice in my head, "Don't do it Brittany. It is permanent and trashy and how are you ever going to find a man when you have a Tattoo. Boys look at girls with tattoos differently then ones who dont. Do you really want them to look at YOU that way?"

Honestly? I couldnt give a care less what all the boys out there think. If I want to do something to my body I am going to do it because I want to. I dont need a reason, I am a grown up. BWAHAHAHAHA I have waited a long time to say that! So I am not going to get one today... or tomorrow but eventually, mark my words I will have a tattoo... its just a matter of time... do you think they will ever find a way to do it without using needles?

I can wait.

I am obsessed with Taylor Swift. Just thought I'd say.

"I miss screamin and fightin and kissin in the rain
And its two A.M. and I'm cursin your name
So in love that you act insane
And thats the way I loved you

Breakin down and comin undone
Its a roller coaster kind of rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And thats the way I loved you"

I am liking life right now... I have got to say.
Worship School=AMAZING.
4.0 GPA=UNREAL
Fun job with great friends=INCREDIBLE

I like where I am at right now.
I am enjoying my single-ness and the end of my teen years.

I think I feel like writing so I will catch you up again at a later date cause you cant pass insipration up when it hits! :-)

<3<3<3

Engaged

I can't stop smiling! It's Christmas and I cant stop smiling because someone just... AHHH not going to talk about it. It is going to stay my secret for now! :-D so happy!

Engagements! Birthday parties! It is so good to be home :-) I have missed it. I just dont fit Colorado like I fit texas... but then again I could never fit texas like I fit California.

Tana Kaye is engaged! :-D Josh asked her! Finally! Her ring is beautiful. Jezze when I talk about it I feel like a 8 year old little girl dreaming about what it would be like to get married and have babies. lol It is so exciting! Dreams come true! fairlytales do exist! broken hearts heal! Tana has shown me that. She asked me to be a Brides maid. Does that mean I have to bring a date? lol I have never been a brides maid before... should be interesting.

Wish me luck?

<3<3<3

I have these two different sides of me- The crazy side that wants to break free and do everything I know I shouldn't and the real side... the side that I am most of the time.

Why is it okay for girls to sleep around? Why does it not matter anymore if your 15 year old daughter is sexually active? Why do people lie about it? Where does it say that cheating on your girlfriend is okay as long as she forgives you for it? Sex. I hate sex. It has been turned into something so meaningless, something so ordinary, something void of anything special. Why?

Tonight my mind is just a little crazy. I have friends away in college and friends that are still in high school and friends who are working and engaged. Friends from all different walks of life doing everything differently than anyone who has gone before. I love people we are all so unique.

I have sexest friends and racist friends. I have friends who lie and friends that cheat. I know girls who walk in shame so deep you'd think they drown in it. I have friends that care and friends who don't. I know guys that drink and some that smoke. I have friends who are gay, some Christians, Catholics, Mormons, followers, musicians, actors, dancers, deceivers, leaders. I know secrets that no one else knows. I have had my expectations met, depleted and exceeded.

I know jealous people. I live in a world chalked full of them. I hate money.

Tonight I am sick of the world. I am tired of lies and ploys. I am tired of thinking I know someone without really knowing them at all.

What has happened to the innocence of childhood? Where did it go and why cant I stay innocent forever? I feel dirty, like I have been apart of all these unclean things, I scrub and I scrub, trying to rid myself of the dirtiness that is all around me but having to come to terms with the fact that my water is just as dirty as everyone elses. I cannot help anyone else be clean if I wash them with dirty water.

But if I have someone else wash me... someone with clean water and then I maintain the cleanliness... well I could help so many people but you understand that just because I wash them doesn't mean it has anything to do with me because I was where they were and it was only because of someone elses cleanliness that I am now clean. I have the power to clean nothing... the only thing I can do is dedicate my hands that have been washed clean by another.

Do you know what happens when you clean someone with clean water? they become clean obviously but your water will become dirty once again. There dirt will affect you and that is why it is supposed to be a constant cleansing.

Well my eyes wont stay open anymore... I guess we will find out tomorrow if any of that made any sense at all.

<3<3<3

A quick video update.

I am listening to the Prosper State game and I needed something to distract me while my stomach tries to settle. The game is tied in the third. So intense.

Am I crazy or falling in love?

Well winter is officially here to stay in Colorado Springs :-) complete with snow white scenery and icy roads. I almost spun out twice today and I was driving 15 its re-dick peeps.

I am babysitting the most adorable little boys right now, Kohen and Korbin and Kohen wont stop grinning at me. He was a hippopotamus for Halloween it was the sweetest thing.

I am knitting a blanket... its coming along quite nicely. It is purple- majestic... yeah dont be jealous.

I watched Pretty Woman last night. I forgot how every time I watch that movie I fall in love with Richard Gear all over again. He is beautiful. the end.

So another NLSW student got engaged. That is 4 engaged now, 5 married, and two new couples. I swear love is in the non-existent air in C.S. ....and me you ask?!?! HAHA Well there is someone but we lead worship together lol so um not such a good idea but he is VERY attractive and he has an incredible voice not to mention he plays guitar AND piano. But I mean we are just friends.... even though I catch him starring at me all the time :-D but nothing will come of it lol its me remember? Even if I live to be one hundred I am forever ruined for every other man that isnt.... well (whispers) "you know who."

I have been doing so well! I havent been talking about him or thinking about him--- AT ALL! It has been amazing.... really. I dont need a relationship right now. I am fine by myself. I am a big girl, living on her own and making big girl choices... arent you proud? haha No, really I dont need to fall in love right now, I dont want to. Its the last thing I want... been there, done that, broken heart achieved, I have the membership to prove it. Men only complicate things and if I need anything- it is less complications, altho I wouldn't mind the cuddling or the kissing ;-p or the cross word puzzles (its an inside joke) Hangman :-)

I am becoming a brunette again. I am not sure if I remember that girl, she is slowly but surely coming back. I wonder if I could ever be her again... regain some of her innocence? maybe. maybe not.

Its a fact- I hate running.

Its a fact- I am in love with David Archuletas song CRUSH. mmmmmmyeah.

Its a fact- ordering virgin drinks is so much better then alcohol. :-) oh date night

Its a fact- Belly button rings are only amusing for so long. Yes I took it out and am looking forward to the massively ugly scar. haha

Its a fact- Biting your nails is really a bad habit...maybe I should quit...

Its a fact- You can be charged over two hundred dollars in overdraft fees in less then two days... dont ask haha

Its a fact- Razor phones are indestructible.

Its a fact- Jared Anderson does have a sense of humor.

Its a fact- three girl+one bathroom= confrontation.

Its a fact- real Christmas trees are better

Its a fact- boys really never grow up... they just grow facial hair.

Its a fact- I can live without Zuzu Ford I just dont want to

Its a fact- the bible is so much cooler when you have a relationship with its author

Its a fact- two rights can and will make a wrong

Its a fact- babies can and will laugh at everything and nothing

Its a fact- Harmony is not complete without the melody even though melody does not need harmony to survive.

Its a fact- slobbery kisses are the best kind

Its a fact- I will never be good at playing a video game guitar

Its a fact- Taylor Swift is brilliant.

Its a fact- I hate endings.

All I want

It snowed yesterday. The entire city was white. It made me ache for family, Christmas and a warm fire but I I received none.

EH! Stop Brittany! Stop! Stop! STOP!

Why do I have to talk about it? Why does it come up everyday! I dont want to help anyone else! I cant even help myself! Jesus Jesus Jesus. Its so hard. Its so hard.

I dont want to complain I dont want to complain I dont want to complain


...is saying I miss him and love him and want him complaining?

How thoroughly someone can invade every part of you without stepping foot inside for over two years.

How completely it can devestate.

I am happy I really am but I just want him to be saved already.

Please Jesus.

Please.
Its all that I want.

I'm such a fool, I'm such a fool, I'm such a fool.

It's raining. No, not raining...pouring.

I love the world when its like this. All gloom, doom and wet. It makes me happy.

Is that weird? How sunshine is nice but rain and clouds are what I really love. It does something to my heart, makes it beat faster, harder. It excites me. Part of me wants to run around in it, get soaked to the skin and come inside, dripping and cold, stripping as I go, laying out in front of the fire watching the drops evaporate.

The other part of me wants to bundle up, go sit under the porch covering with my guitar and a cup of sleepy time.

Have I mentioned that I love the rain? ;-)

Life is good. God is good. I am happy. MY friend Liv and I are going to start playing acoustic sets in coffee shops. Jealous?... I would be too.

Have any song suggestions? I would be happy to oblige.

I want to write a song so badly but I dont want to write one about him. I'm afraid to think about it. I'm afraid to write about it, to talk about it. I am afraid of the possibility of never seeing or hearing from him again. I didn't mean ever again... I just meant for now... however long now is.

I still am absolutely sure that it was right. I was being a hindrance, a security blanket and that's what he is for me... safe. known.

The rain is pounding against my window begging to be let in. The drops are rolling faster now, unable to hold onto the slippery glass any longer. Kind of like my control... its slipping further and further away from me. faster and faster. Its a good thing though. I cant afford to be in control. I don't want to be. Not anymore.

Oh Lord I'm becoming. It scares me sometimes.

An impromtu photo shoot... jealous?

I got my nose pierced!

Don't ask why... it was a split second decision.

Oh the joys of being a teenager!

Something to Fill

The 'Enter' conference has taken it out of me!
On top of it all I started work today! Go ME! I am drained of everything. I told aunt Kim the other night on the phone that I have never been so tired, I feel it all the way to my bones. Its the kind of tired where you feel like if you slept for a month straight it wouldn't be enough.
Emotionally?
I am doing better then I was. I am coming to terms with everything and I know ultimately it was the right thing to do. I had to surrender I couldn't carry it anymore. But just because I couldn't didn't mean that I didn't still have the desire in my heart to take it all on. Its okay that I feel like that right now. God is working on my heart. That's the beauty of the Lord, not having to clean up before you come but being able to cast everything onto Him. Thank Goodness someone can handle it!

As you might know I had been going back and forth on my college decision. One day I couldn't think of anything else but going home and being free after the school of worship and than others I was so sure that Kings was the right place for me.

I was so confused and frustrated because I wanted to have a plan.

Then I called Adam 'that night' and I told him that I couldn't talk to him anymore. I had never heard him get so upset.

That's a lie. Only twice before had I ever seen him that angry. I felt like such a jerk, I knew what I was doing was right but I hate hurting him and I know that's what I did.

He proceeded to give me a list of things that God has done (or hasn't intervened with) that he didn't understand. He told me that he really 'hoped God lived up to my expectations because he certainly didn't measure up to his.'

You know when someone is set in a way of thinking there is really nothing you can say to change their mind or soften their heart. Adam had a whole list of things that were 'Gods fault' and really it was just a list of hurting people hurting other people.

I cried while I was on the phone with him, and I cried when I got off.

But the reason why I was heart broken when I got off the phone was completely different from the reason of why I was when I got on it.

He had told me things. He showed me scars and burdens that I didn't even know he carried.

I cried for people. Hurting people that only wanted to be made whole. Hurting people who realized that they were walking around with this huge hole in them. Hurting people who tried to stuff the hole full of everything that they could find, only succeeding in making the empty hole bigger.

Adam looked to a girl. He tried to cram her into this hole that she would have never been big enough to fill and when she didn't make it all better everything just got worse.

Hurting people cramming other hurting people into holes they were never meant to fill only succeeding in stretching the hole out even more. All you are left with is more hurt.

It was then in my room that God started whispering to my heart.

The next day I prayed that God would give me new dreams because my old ones were gone.

He is so faithful.

This situation has shown me how changed I truly am. God has given me this heart of compassion. This heart for the lost that I never knew existed.

He wants me to go to school for christian counseling. I know this now. He wants me to help his people. The ones who are trying to cram lots of little things into one big hole and I want to help them.

Now I know I cant fix anyone but I know of someone who delights in filling holes and taking control.

I want to help people for Sam. I don't know her but I love her and her story speaks to my heart. Helping those whose hope is lost. I want to help people like Adam. The ones who need to know that there is someone who will never let them down and will fulfil every promise that He makes.

Jesus my life is yours. All I am called to do is love with your love and disciple.

I love these people so much. Its hard to breathe.

With Everything

Just when I thought I hit rock bottom, I reached the top of the mountain.

Jesus, the view is beautiful from here. Is this a glimpse of what you see everyday?

I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. I feel so lost yet I know I am not lost alone. You are here with me. In the midst of everything. Oh how you love me. I feel it.

Open my eyes Jesus. Reveal your glorious self to me. Give me a revelation of you...of your heart. I cant do it alone. I don't want too. I am so afraid. Will I ever dream again? Lord instill and embed in my heart your dreams, the dreams you have for me. Make them my dreams for myself. Aline my will with yours. I will go wherever you send me... unafraid because you are with me always.

Sanctify me.

I am breaking free from so many things. The chains are gone. I want to worship you forever. I want to sing to you until I have no voice left in my body. I want to glorify your name with my life. Its yours. I am yours. He is yours.

Surrender.

Here I am. Use me as you will.

I am all yours. Heart and soul bare for you to see.
Examine me and anything you find lacking Lord take it away for it is not of you.

Cleanse me.

Cleanse me.

Make me new.

I am not the same and never will be that girl again.

Envelop me in your arms.

Today is a new day and your mercies are new.

Hide your word in my heart.

Shameless

I know that it was right. I know that we are walking down two different roads and his does not look like it will be merging with mine anytime soon. I know I was just setting myself for heartache...again. I know he doesn't still love me because if he did... how could he be with someone else? How could me make me believe that he wasn't seeing that someone else anymore... hadn't been seeing her for a month and then casually tell me he broke up with her? Like it was nothing? HELLO! I wanted to marry you once upon a time!?! You think I like to hear that you are crying your eyes out over another girl?!?

No. No that is not why I did it. Honestly I am not mad. Just very very sad. Unbearably sad. Its like this fairy tale dream, my little girl fairy tale dream, where the knight comes and takes me away, just died. Its like everything I ever wanted was for nothing. How can you love someone who doesn't love you?

I will tell you how. Look at the last two years of my life! I spent those years loving him and praying for him and wanting him and dreaming of him and needing him. But you know what? I am done needing him and dreaming! I am done waiting and hoping! I am better than this! I deserve better than this! I deserve someone who will love me the way that I am supposed to be loved.

The funny part is this isn't even really about me. That was a rant a stupid, teenage, broken hearted girls rant. I am just so sad. I want to cry all the time. He is so jaded and I just want to fix it but I cant! I just want to have the answers but I don't! I cant fix him!

I am so broken for her. You don't know who I am but I know who you are. Two of my very best friends in the world stayed up with me last night and prayed for you. We prayed so hard I hope you felt it in your bones. I love you and I don't even know you. You are my sister and I am so sorry! I cried for you last night. For what you lost. For what you are still loosing... know that if i could take your place I would. Know that if I could have suffered it all for you I would have. My heart is broken for yours and will always be. Know that there is someone out there in this big, unfair, scary world, praying for you and loving you from a distance even though we have never met.
I love you. You are my sister and one day the healer of the world will use his hands to take your broken heart and birth in you a new one. My heart is broken for yours and the tears I cant seem to stop crying fall for your innocence. Oh beloved sister.

Adam. I love you. I will always love you. I am never going to stop for as long as I live. You were everything I ever wanted. You were every dream I ever had. I would have given up everything just be near you. I would have done it if you had just asked. I am so broken. I have been ever since you walked away. Being put back together scares me... I have been broken for so long.

But you have to walk on your own. I cant do it for you. I cant fix your problems. There is only one who can mend your hurt and your brokenness. There is only one who can take away the anger and fear you feel. You are so alone in your perfectly put together world, surrounded by people but so eternally alone...always alone. You don't have to feel that! Why do you chose day after day to walk in it when you don't have too?

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

But you don't love me. You cant. Not when you don't really know the true meaning of the word.

That's okay. You don't have too.

Loving you is not a burden. Its hard but I never wish, not for a second, that I didn't.

Jesus, Adam. The answer to every single one of your questions is Jesus.

When you meet Him.

When you truly know who he is.

Call me.

Because I want to be the very first to hear all about it.

Until then,

I love you forever.

I am yours till my dying day.

Shameless.

Vomit.

I miss Zuzu.

I miss home.

I miss my mom and dad and grandma and grandpa and aunt kim.

I dont want to be a grown-up anymore.

I love my new friends and I love the little bit of Independence that I've gained but I am ready for more.

Jesus where have you gone? Its been a week and I feel like I am doing this by myself. I guess partly because I am not making the first move. I should be reading my bible. I should be journaling in the beautiful journal aunt kim bought me. I should be doing a lot of things and I dont know why i am not.

GAH! Tomorrows a new day right?

Jesus tomorrow, you and me.

Are you ready?

Because I am and I dont know why I went away.

I just need the heck out of you! Always have and always will.

PS The house reeks of fish and there is a "grown-up" dinner party going on down stairs that I was not invited too. Vomit.

I may have failed but I have loved you from the start...

I cant stop thinking about him.

Why?

Why did I have to fall in love with him? There were so many! SO MANY! Why him? Why did he have to be the one I couldnt bare to let get away? I dont want to love him anymore because its hard and dirty and all I want is to rest for a little while. My arms are tired.

You think making him go away would be better? Not having to hear about his girlfriends. Not having to know that he's been with someone else...LOTS of someone elses. I have been with no one! Why? Because I cant even think about being with someone else! I love him! I love him! I love him! I am never going to stop! Get used to it! He was my first so many things and damn it he is going to be my last!

I dont care! I dont care! Try to make me hate you. Fuck them. Love them. Hold them. Kiss them. Wish it was me. Think of me. Love me. Hold me. Kiss me.

I cant fix him.

But I pray that one day he'll wake up and realize what he's missing.

Jesus.

Colorado- Day 1

AHHH! I just a built a table. Day one of living on my own and I already am making steps in the right direction. I didn't even need Connors help! (Clap for me!)

Went to church. The sermon was great and worship was fantastic! I totally stood two feet behind Jon Eagan thats right be jealous. Garrett wanted me to pinch his butt but I refrained seeing as to Mrs. Eagan was standing right there and that would have made things REEEEAAALLLY AWKWARD.

After church I talked with Adam for a bit and then had some awesome leftovers with the McGee's for lunch. We discussed creative writing techniques...mhm Colorado Brittany even has intelligent conversations. Go Figure.

I was going to do a little bit of job hunting today but decided that I could conquer the job world on Monday when everyone is in school and I don't have to fight crowds. See I am even smarter too! :-)

Well, I guess that is all for now. I am really really bored and very sad because I have no Zuzu. ZUZU I MISS YOU!!! COME BACK!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BREATHE WITH NO AIR?!?!

(sigh) Well I guess I will clean my room again.

Things to look foreword too-

Orientation
A walk around the block
New Job
Pinching Jon Eagans buttock when his wife isnt looking
Veggie Soup for dinner
And lots and lots of boredom

call me!

brit

It's not what good girls do...its not how I should behave....

Tonight?

Yes best night ever! Jils post birthday celebration and a surprise video from Zuzu=perfect.

Plus I kissed a girl... ;-)

Or maybe it was two....

teeeheee









Here is a wonderful picture from last night when i spray painted zu's hair red!



And that is about it. I move on Thursday so that's exciting but other than that minor detail life has been pretty boring. Sad but true. Maybe I can stir up some trouble tomorrow at our church dinner... all those good christian people and brittany in a bikini.... something fun is BOUND to happen!

I will keep you posted.

He knows whats best.

Life has been none stop lately, or so it feels like. I cant claim that this will be a happy post, I want it to be but I am in one of "those" moods right now... I find myself on the verge of laughter and on the verge of tears.

Life is so jumbled right now and I am starting to realize that there will never be a point in my life where everything is perfect. I used to think that if I could only reach this certain point, this level of completion, in my life that everything would be perfect and I would be blissfully happy.

I would have my dream husband who I could wake up next to every morning and fall asleep beside every night. I would have a house full of wonderful children who I would love unconditionally and one day grandchildren. I would live a life full of love, treasuring the small things.

Walks. Kisses. Smiles. Laughter. Tears. Macaroni necklaces. Home cooked dinners. Sunsets. Swim parties. Lullaby's. Bare feet. Cotton dresses with pockets. Hats. Silly songs. Hop scotch. Hugs. Races. Tire Swings. Ponds. Tree houses. Diapers. Rocking chairs. Car trips. Potty breaks. Binky's. Cuddles. Warm baths. Staying up till dawn. Over-alls. Books. Music. Dancing around the kitchen. Naked Wednesdays. Plays. Camping trips in the backyard. Skinny dipping. Drinking to much wine. Quite. Mud pies. Making love, making babies, making music, making time, making sense, making millions of memories that will last longer than I am on this earth.

I want to live in the moment and cherish everything, every day, every hour and every minute. I know it wont all be easy. I know that I might cry more than laugh but I am making a vow to myself right now that I will never regret a moment.

It wont all be easy, most of it wont be but where is the fun in a perfect world?

I am going to laugh to loud and smile to much and sing none stop for the rest of my life. I will be joy.

I have come to point in my life where I no longer see like a child. I am not sure that I see things like a woman but I no longer view them threw the rose colored lenses of a child.

I c0me to a point where I am laying my dreams down and giving them to God because ultimately its not my will but His, in ever aspect of my life. He knows whats best.

I held the sweetest baby girl in my arms tonight while she slept and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I could have watched her dream forever.

Good Times.

Sunday we went to see Heather because she has a disease and we wanted to cheer her up! :-) We made her a BIG HUGE card and baked her cup cakes and gave her a purple flower. We are good friends oh yes we are. ;-)

Love my Jil and Zu.

Saturday night was insane!!!!! I wont get into the crazy details but Jil, Zu and I back painted again and than we partied it up at Nicoles PAAARTY! mmmmm


Oh! And I cant forget about the Wal-Mart Trip... unforgettable haha
I am a great shopper!

God Alone

He's yours God.

In Your hands not mine.

I give him to You.

You are the maker of heaven
You turned my world around
Your making all things new again
Through it all I know you are God alone.

Praying

The Lord renews me and fills my soul with compassion.
How can you allow me to look upon them with your eyes?
How can you allow me to love them with your love?
Its overpowering, I cannot get enough.

Wake me in the mornings O God.
Tuck me in at night.
I need your strength Father, I need your reassurance.

Give me Holy dreams.
Dreams of You.

Hold me in Your arms, pressed against Your chest.
Wake me with scriptures and worship songs.

Let me live life in Your presence and die without it.




Psalm 13
A David Psalm
1-2 Long enough, God— you've ignored me long enough.
I've looked at the back of your head
long enough. Long enough
I've carried this ton of trouble,
lived with a stomach full of pain.
Long enough my arrogant enemies
have looked down their noses at me.

3-4 Take a good look at me, God, my God;
I want to look life in the eye,
So no enemy can get the best of me
or laugh when I fall on my face.

5-6 I've thrown myself headlong into your arms—
I'm celebrating your rescue.
I'm singing at the top of my lungs,
I'm so full of answered prayers.